We had a great discussion on April 30th about different forms polyamory can take and how we talk about this to others. In examining different kinds of structures poly relationships can take, the group ended up exploring the idea of whether or not structure itself was less important than the idea of being clear about needs and intentions while being flexible with the forms relationships take naturally.
It was a VERY stimulating evening! I was especially amazed and amused that one new member arrived at the meeting not because she'd read about it online or heard from a friend, but because she was looking for the person who'd locked their bike to hers, and after hearing we were talking about poly, sat down and joined in the discussion -- a perfect working example of remaining open and flexible!
Some of the topics we touched upon (some of them in great depth) were:
- structure versus "no structure"
- polyamory and polyfidelity
- relationships between polyamorous people and monogamous people
- deconstructing fears in order to provide reassurance when needed (a great tip!)
- freedom found in not needing one person to fulfill every role for us (or in us not needing to fulfill this in others)
- a discussion of whether there was value in perdetermining a poly structure versus allowing that structure to develop organically and naturally
- how to let go, be flexible and deconstruct our previous assumptions about relationships; being a "warrior of the heart"
- not turning a blind eye to the negative aspects or pitfalls of complex poly relationship structures
Finally, I want to share a favourite quote of mine from the evening:
"I choose definitions to fit my relationships rather than making relationships fit definitions."
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
come to camp!
Polycamp Too
"Shake your Paradigm"
July 10 to 13, 2009
Living Forest Oceanside Campgrounds and RV Park
6 Maki Road, Nanaimo, BC
Campsites we've reserved are G1 to G11 (see map at www.campingbc.com)
and are on a ring road with a picnic shelter in the centre, lots of green space and a firepit for campfires. Good proximity to washroom and assorted facilities in the campgrounds. Beach front. Picnic shelter has several BBQ's, electricity, running water, a kitchen prep and sink area and several picnic tables. The campgrounds has WiFi. The campgrounds itself is 5 minutes from a shopping mall with a grocery store and a few restaurants. There are locations and supplies onsite for volleyball, basketball, foosball, horseshoes and a climber park for kids. Hiking and swimming are popular activities every year.
Costs -
CAMPSITE: $90.72 per campsite for the weekend tax included (max of 4 adults & 4 kids and one car per site)
NEW THIS YEAR - Polycamp Too registration fee in addition to campsite fee and to be paid on arrival by those attending but not staying at the campgrounds.
$20 per adult, $10 per youth 13 and over, kids 12 & under free.
$5 discount for Sponsor Members in good standing.
FOOD - Campers are responsible for their own food. We most often cook and eat together during the weekend in a casual potluck format.
TRANSPORTATION- Carpooling and pick up of walkons to the Horseshoe Bay/Departure Bay Ferry to be arranged with Camp Director (vanisle_poly@yahoo.com)
ALSO NEW THIS YEAR - You MUST register and prepay. There will be a registration form available at http://www.vanisle-polyamory.com and http://www.bedlamongreen.org shortly. Email it and pay by PAYPAL or print it off and pay by cheque/money order. Details will be on the registration form.
WORKSHOP Session/Activity Proposals sought that address some aspect of the theme. Looking for 1 to 2 hours sessions/activities for adults only, teens only, and intergenerational groups. Facilitator honorarium is $10 per hour discounted from Polycamp Registration Fee as noted above.
Theme for weekend: Shake your Paradigm
Friday - Open Hearts (focus on new perspectives on intimacy)(1 x 2hr session)
Saturday - Open Ears (focus on communicating in new ways)(3 x 2 hr sesssions)
Sunday - Open Minds (focus on thinking new thoughts)(3 x 2hr sessions)
Monday - Open Roads (focus on new adventures) (closing discussion - 1 hr)
Contact Camp Director with any questions, suggestions or workshop ideas.
vanisle_poly@yahoo.com
"Shake your Paradigm"
July 10 to 13, 2009
Living Forest Oceanside Campgrounds and RV Park
6 Maki Road, Nanaimo, BC
Campsites we've reserved are G1 to G11 (see map at www.campingbc.com)
and are on a ring road with a picnic shelter in the centre, lots of green space and a firepit for campfires. Good proximity to washroom and assorted facilities in the campgrounds. Beach front. Picnic shelter has several BBQ's, electricity, running water, a kitchen prep and sink area and several picnic tables. The campgrounds has WiFi. The campgrounds itself is 5 minutes from a shopping mall with a grocery store and a few restaurants. There are locations and supplies onsite for volleyball, basketball, foosball, horseshoes and a climber park for kids. Hiking and swimming are popular activities every year.
Costs -
CAMPSITE: $90.72 per campsite for the weekend tax included (max of 4 adults & 4 kids and one car per site)
NEW THIS YEAR - Polycamp Too registration fee in addition to campsite fee and to be paid on arrival by those attending but not staying at the campgrounds.
$20 per adult, $10 per youth 13 and over, kids 12 & under free.
$5 discount for Sponsor Members in good standing.
FOOD - Campers are responsible for their own food. We most often cook and eat together during the weekend in a casual potluck format.
TRANSPORTATION- Carpooling and pick up of walkons to the Horseshoe Bay/Departure Bay Ferry to be arranged with Camp Director (vanisle_poly@yahoo.com)
ALSO NEW THIS YEAR - You MUST register and prepay. There will be a registration form available at http://www.vanisle-polyamory.com and http://www.bedlamongreen.org shortly. Email it and pay by PAYPAL or print it off and pay by cheque/money order. Details will be on the registration form.
WORKSHOP Session/Activity Proposals sought that address some aspect of the theme. Looking for 1 to 2 hours sessions/activities for adults only, teens only, and intergenerational groups. Facilitator honorarium is $10 per hour discounted from Polycamp Registration Fee as noted above.
Theme for weekend: Shake your Paradigm
Friday - Open Hearts (focus on new perspectives on intimacy)(1 x 2hr session)
Saturday - Open Ears (focus on communicating in new ways)(3 x 2 hr sesssions)
Sunday - Open Minds (focus on thinking new thoughts)(3 x 2hr sessions)
Monday - Open Roads (focus on new adventures) (closing discussion - 1 hr)
Contact Camp Director with any questions, suggestions or workshop ideas.
vanisle_poly@yahoo.com
Monday, April 13, 2009
weekend poly workshop: polyamory and diversity
This weekend I helped present a workshop at the University for the Queer Youth Conference (sponsored by AIDS Victoria). One of the Victoria Poly 101 members who is also on the UVic Pride team asked for my input, and together she and I assembled a really comprehensive hour and a half of information, demonstration and discussion on the ins and outs of poly within the context of society at large.
Several other members of Victoria Poly 101 agreed to attend as panelist speakers, and the mix of diverse poly backgrounds was illuminating and entertaining to listen to. I think we managed to cover a LOT of angles in a short time!
Key points discussed were:
- the importance of communication and negotiation
- boundaries
- jealousy and self-knowledge
- differing kinds of intimacy and how they can ALL fit into poly
- how one can be poly and still incorporate traditional spirituality or ethics
- raising children in a poly family
- poly in a political and societal context
As a demonstration, I brought a small collection of relevant books, a big pile of stuffed parrots ;P and a chart I had made illustrating the network of connections in my own life, including my lovers, my children, my biological family, my "heart" family of choice, my metamours and even my pets! I was even able to add one of the panel members to my chart when she informed me that HER partner was dating a partner of MY partner... the possibilities for connection (and the need for openness) are truly limitless!
The attendees of the workshop ranged from high school age to adult, with varying knowledge and experience levels of polyamory. Questions asked and issues raised by the audience were insightful and articulate. Overall, it was a pleasure to attend and present at this conference and I look forward to seeing many of the same people again at future diversity events!
Several other members of Victoria Poly 101 agreed to attend as panelist speakers, and the mix of diverse poly backgrounds was illuminating and entertaining to listen to. I think we managed to cover a LOT of angles in a short time!
Key points discussed were:
- the importance of communication and negotiation
- boundaries
- jealousy and self-knowledge
- differing kinds of intimacy and how they can ALL fit into poly
- how one can be poly and still incorporate traditional spirituality or ethics
- raising children in a poly family
- poly in a political and societal context
As a demonstration, I brought a small collection of relevant books, a big pile of stuffed parrots ;P and a chart I had made illustrating the network of connections in my own life, including my lovers, my children, my biological family, my "heart" family of choice, my metamours and even my pets! I was even able to add one of the panel members to my chart when she informed me that HER partner was dating a partner of MY partner... the possibilities for connection (and the need for openness) are truly limitless!
The attendees of the workshop ranged from high school age to adult, with varying knowledge and experience levels of polyamory. Questions asked and issues raised by the audience were insightful and articulate. Overall, it was a pleasure to attend and present at this conference and I look forward to seeing many of the same people again at future diversity events!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
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