Monday, March 29, 2010

VP101 Logo Contest!

Now that we're a year old and hotter than ever, I figure it's time we had a logo (and maybe a secret handshake). So... I'd like to announce the official Victoria Poly 101 Logo Contest!

I encourage you to creatively include something from Victoria as well as polyamory, and to try to make something that looks good in one colour (I know, I know.. MONOchrome, sigh) but you can also submit colour versions. ;)

Please send your submissions to me,, no later than April 30th, 2010.

I will award appropriate prizes to the winner and first two runners-up at the May VP101 meet on May 27, 6:30 pm at Camas.

We'd look great wearing VP101 shirts or waving flags at Pride, no? :)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Poly Love Letter

Dear Aspiring Poly Person,

I know this is a giddy, confusing and sometimes scary time for you. As someone who has already been there, I want to congratulate you on the things you're really good at.

Thank you for asking lots of questions -- even if you think they're stupid, obvious, or that others might laugh at you. These are the questions everyone else wants to ask, but is afraid to, so way to go.

Thank you for not assuming anything about the way I love people, how much I love people, or why I'm poly. Also thank you for not requiring that everyone hold the same definition of poly as you, and for not feeling threatened when they define it differently.

Thank you for your honesty. REALLY, thank you for this. I can't thank you enough, actually.

Thank you for not assuming all poly people are sluts. Thank you for not assuming all poly people don't approve of casual sex.

Thank you for telling me that your partner is having trouble dealing with the idea of poly, and is feeling way too jealous right now for you to have another relationship. Thank you especially for telling me this before we spent intimate time together and long before I fell in love with you and had to deal with being pushed away and made to feel guilty for wanting some of your affection.

Thank you for seeing that poly is as much about learning about yourself as it is learning about other people, for seeing that it's as much about dealing with being alone as it is enjoying being surrounded by loving partners, and for realizing that while compersion is nice, it's not the holy grail of poly, and for not beating yourself up if you don't always feel it.

Finally, thank you for listening. After all, no one can have a meaningful conversation if everyone always does the talking.


A Real Live (poly) Person

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March Victoria Poly Women's group meeting

Sunday, March 7, 2010
2:00pm - 5:00pm
880 Vernon, club house.


Come and have a drink and chat with other non-monogamous women. There is no pressure to talk in any depth about anything. What is important is that we have each other to support, get to know, and discuss whatever we like.

Email or comment here for more info. on location (there is a Facebook group you can join)!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Creating Poly Community & a Wish for 2010

The topic of poly community has been a hot one recently, both in the media and among my friends and acquaintances here in British Columbia. As a networker and someone who enjoys getting people together (I need very little excuse to do this, btw -- a good dinner will suffice!) facilitating the growth of poly community poses challenges and also rewards for me and my fellow poly organizers. Learning as I go along, I've gotten to thinking about what keeps a community strong yet flexible enough to accommodate change.

I started up the Victoria Poly 101 discussions as a way to both meet people who were interested in responsible, honest, multi-partnered relationships and as a way to help provide information about this relationship choice. What I didn't expect when I started hosting meets was the overwhelming sense of "community" that would grow between the very diverse members of the group which gathered every month to discuss a rather limited topic.

This got me thinking about the role of diversity within communities, and how it can lend strength if it exists in the right proportion to the sharing of a common goal or interest. While VP101 is a diverse group, it's also becoming a strong community -- one that shares the goal of self-exploration and growth as well as learning about what it means to be polyamorous. Learning about ourselves, no matter how diverse we may be, is the other common thread in our community, and this, more than any other shared passion, is what keeps our diverse group going strong. After all, there are (as we are fond of saying in all our discussions) as many ways to be or practice poly as there are people.

I want to thank every person who has come out to a Poly 101 meet in the past year -- each of you has contributed a unique and strong piece to the larger puzzle of our ever-changing community. As we continue to grow and change as individuals and as a group, I think we can feel confident it will always provide a place to explore not only the challenges of different relationship structures, but a haven for the diverse, the loving, and the courageous of our community at large.

Happy 2010!


March VP101 discussion: jealousy, compersion and more...

With this discussion we're getting back to poly basics to talk about feelings of jealousy, compersion, and how to deal with our own feelings and those of others. Self-knowledge and feeling good about ourselves is a big part of good relationships, but how do we get to that point?

Please come to discuss and share, if you like, your own stories about your feelings and experiences of polyamory.

** Note: we will continue to hold Poly 101 discussions at Camas Bookstore until May, 2010, but stay tuned for an alternate discussion venue in March/April **

"Jealousy, comperson feeling good about yourself and your relationships"
Time:6:30PM Thursday, March 25th
Location:Camas Bookstore, corner of Kings and Quadra streets