Friday, July 23, 2010

What exactly IS Poly 201?

Victoria Poly 101 has been active for over a year, many of us have found the need for a second group where those of us who have been living and loving polyamorously -- and who want to discuss topics in more depth as well as contribute actively to our poly community -- can meet and talk.

Poly 201 is a place to check in about "living" polyamory, discuss concerns, receive feedback, and celebrate happiness. Discussions will be in depth, sometimes being quite specific, and facilitation will vary within the group.

There is a Facebook group and everyone is welcome to attend discussions, but please remember that if you are new to or simply curious about polyamory, you may wish to attend a few Poly 101 meetings first to talk about "the basics" and get to know our community.  :)

Poly 201 meets monthly, on the 3rd Wednesday of the month, at Cabin 12 in Victoria, BC at 6 pm.  

Upcoming Summer VP101 & related poly events in and around Victoria

Please check the Victoria Poly 101 Facebook group regulary (or better yet, join up!) for more information on these and other poly related events...  

Beacon Hill Bandshell B Movie Festival Poly moviedatenights

August 6 at 9:00pm - August 28 at 11:00pm
Location Beacon Hill Park, Bandshell
Created By
Victoria Poly 101
Come early (8 pm) to get good seats and bring folding chairs and blankets and snacks. :)


poly peeps camp out

July 30 at 5:00pm - August 2 at 12:00pm
Location goldstream park group site
Bring your camping gear and your wienies, we're going camping!

The group site at Goldstream provincial park (17kms from Victoria) is booked for us on the August long weekend. It's situated in amongst the trees of the rain forest and is near some lovely hikes. There are beautiful streams and rivers to swim in and large cedars and waterfalls to gaze at too.

This is meant to be a time to kick back in the sun and warmth of summer, and relax. Their will be lots of chats and eating of *smores* around the group camp fire and activities will be self motivated. There is no reason why everyone has to be poly identified... anyone who is friend/partner/relative is invited. Please invite people; the more the merrier.

The cost is about $54 per adult (based on 10 adults). If more people come, it will cost less per person! You can reserve a spot in advance by Paypal-ing $54 to Eve at But if you haven't paid in advance, you can still come! Just please bring about $55 in cash to the site. Eve will figure out the exact cost per person once we have a final head count and the park's given us a final cost (based on the final head count), then she'll collect fees and issue refunds as needed.

Hope to see you there! Ya, summer is coming! :D


monthly poly women's meet

August 8 · 2:30pm - 5:30pm
Location Club house at Robyn's place
Poly women's group Victoria
Come and have a drink, a treat to eat (potluck) and chat with other responsibly non-monogamous women. There is no pressure to talk in any depth about anything. What is important is that we have each other to support, get to know, and discuss whatever we like... if you have any topic of discussion that you would like to address, please let me know and I can certainly do my best to make sure it comes up.

Our monthly discussion is based on what has been our relationship experiences, what we think we could work on in our relationships and what we think has gone well for us in our relationships.


Late August Camping

August 20 at 5:00pm - August 23 at 11:00am
Location Goldstream Provintical park
Trans Canada highway, left on west shore parkway, right on Amy rd.
The family and I have booked a camp site at Goldstream for the weekend of August 20-23. Site 74 A and B. We have friends coming to visit from Alaska that are keen to meet all our friends here.

We are hoping that others will want to come and join us for the weekend. To book a campsite go to Discover Camping BC (

Hope to see you there! :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Guest Column: So you're thinking of dating a mono...

Here is a post written by a good friend of mine who is monogamous and also dating a poly.  I had to nod my head, even while I chuckled at this...

So you are thinking of dating a mono?

Here’s one mono person’s perspective on some basic tips to make an informed decision.

First ask yourself why would you do this in the first place. I mean Jeezuz, you’ve read the stories on here…now go smack yourself and find a Poly!…kidding, kidding.

Are you hoping to convert the mono? Some people are conditioned to be monogamous and will welcome a different approach to relationships, others are hard wired for it and will generate more red tape then the government at tax time.

Have you fallen in love with them and are willing to take on a huge challenge? Seriously, snake charming and croc wrestling might seem easier after going down this road.

Are you open poly or the poly-fi sort of person? (this is a biggy, so be honest and up front right away)

What are your relationship goals? Looking to build a network of romances, wanting a long-term partner to share life with, just want to roll in the hay occasionally…that sort of thing. (Science has proven that a mono can in fact roll just as well as a poly given the right consistency of hay)

Next ask your potential mono partner a few basic questions.

What are their relationship goals. It doesn’t have to be their expectations until death, but at least realistic. This will protect both of you. Believe it or not, some mono people will prey on the loving nature of Poly people to achieve another sexual conquest…because it’s all about sex….KIDDING! These types would be great for a friend with benefits or one night stand but could hurt you deeply if you fall for them. On the flip side, if they are looking for an inevitable traditional marriage or family you don’t want to give false hope. Monos can be really whiny when you switch things up on them.

Have they had other substantial relationships before? Poly experience would be great but the essential experience of being with another mono is paramount. Otherwise they will probably suffer the “grass is greener” syndrome. Signs of this syndrome include saying “fuck this shit”, “what the fuck am I doing” and “I wish I was Cinderella”. (This last one even scares the shit out of monos!)

So, why is identifying what poly means to you important? Some people have found poly through the love of one additional person. The multiple nature of this relationship is specific to include an individual and not out of pursuing a “way of loving”. This is a much more stable and adaptive situation for a mono in my opinion. Yes, they will be sharing their partner with another or perhaps established others, but they have a sense of calm and stability that monos crave like a single scoop of vanilla icecream!
In an open relationship ("Poly with a chance of more balls" ….there’s a book and movie out..ohhh wait now, that’s not the bad) the constant thought of when and who will be entering your life, and therefore their life, will be a damaging drain on most monos.
Don’t assume that the mono will understand your approach to poly. Explain it to them…slowly, like your talking to some one in a foreign country who will ultimately wonder what is wrong with you. Speed it up damn it! You’re English is still English!

So there you have it…tips to date a mono in a nutshell…ok, maybe two nutshells. But not four or six or whatever other number of nutshells..just two.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Marching with Pride in Victoria

Photo credit:  QuĂ© Mini-Mite Banh, 2010

Victoria Poly 101 attracted some attention at Pride Day, 2010 in Victoria, BC.  We looked great -- especially our pretty banner!  Thank you all for helping to organize, for marching, and for supporting poly pride -- see you next year!

July Poly Discussion

Victoria Poly 101 monthly discussion

Thursday, July 22, 2010
6:30pm - 9:30pm
Camas Bookstore
corner of Kings and Quadra streets
Victoria, BC


This month's discussion will be more general -- come with questions or ideas about polyamory to share with the group. We will probably spend part of the time discussing poly in smaller groups of 5 or 6 people, depending on turnout.

See you there!