School's back in!

VP101 got off to a great fall start this month with several events and a new group at UVic campus, plus a stimulating discussion at Camas last night.

Poly 101 on Campus is a discussion group on ethical non-monogamy (having multiple partners and being honest about it).

We are (hurray!) an official UVic club, but anyone who's interested (need not be a UVic student) can stop by or email us (poly101oncampus@gmail.com) to get on the mailing list.



Members of VP101 attended a debate at UVic campus earlier this week; the topic:  "Is monogamy natural?".  While the debate itself was, unsurprisingly, academic, it did provide some useful media coverage for the idea that non-monogamous feelings are also "not unnatural" and even "ok".  Yay, academia!  It was fun to see the big student turnout (people sitting in the aisles and being turned away at the door) and hearing some very thoughtful questions from the audience.  All in all, a fun event and one that I hope presages more discussions about non-monogamy in the future.


Finally, last night's monthly poly discussion, on the topic, "Being Single and Poly", was one of our most successful to date.  I was thrilled to see a number of students from Poly 101 on Campus in attendance, as well as some old friends from the early days of VP101.  After a very cool check-in, we divided into three groups of about ten people each to discuss how being single and being poly can be complimentary, sometimes confusing, and often rewarding.  


One group concentrated on meticulously defining "single" -- with the help of a thesaurus, no less.  They won the prize for most academic discussion, and we all appreciated the terms they came up with, the favourite being "independent".  


The other groups discussed personal experiences of being poly in various states of single-ness (there are more than you might realize at first glance), including having partners but living alone, being a secondary, and taking breaks from relationships.  It was generally agreed that a polyamorous relationship style can offer the the best of both worlds, allowing people the opportunity for space, personal growth and committed, partnered companionship all at the same time.  Yep, we love having our cake and eating it, too!   


Many thanks to everyone who came out to the discussion and I hope to see more of you in the months to come! 

how we talk about poly

We had a great discussion on April 30th about different forms polyamory can take and how we talk about this to others. In examining different kinds of structures poly relationships can take, the group ended up exploring the idea of whether or not structure itself was less important than the idea of being clear about needs and intentions while being flexible with the forms relationships take naturally.

It was a VERY stimulating evening! I was especially amazed and amused that one new member arrived at the meeting not because she'd read about it online or heard from a friend, but because she was looking for the person who'd locked their bike to hers, and after hearing we were talking about poly, sat down and joined in the discussion -- a perfect working example of remaining open and flexible!

Some of the topics we touched upon (some of them in great depth) were:

- structure versus "no structure"

- polyamory and polyfidelity

- relationships between polyamorous people and monogamous people

- deconstructing fears in order to provide reassurance when needed (a great tip!)

- freedom found in not needing one person to fulfill every role for us (or in us not needing to fulfill this in others)

- a discussion of whether there was value in perdetermining a poly structure versus allowing that structure to develop organically and naturally

- how to let go, be flexible and deconstruct our previous assumptions about relationships; being a "warrior of the heart"

- not turning a blind eye to the negative aspects or pitfalls of complex poly relationship structures

Finally, I want to share a favourite quote of mine from the evening:

"I choose definitions to fit my relationships rather than making relationships fit definitions."