Monday, March 8, 2010

Poly Love Letter

Dear Aspiring Poly Person,

I know this is a giddy, confusing and sometimes scary time for you. As someone who has already been there, I want to congratulate you on the things you're really good at.

Thank you for asking lots of questions -- even if you think they're stupid, obvious, or that others might laugh at you. These are the questions everyone else wants to ask, but is afraid to, so way to go.

Thank you for not assuming anything about the way I love people, how much I love people, or why I'm poly. Also thank you for not requiring that everyone hold the same definition of poly as you, and for not feeling threatened when they define it differently.

Thank you for your honesty. REALLY, thank you for this. I can't thank you enough, actually.

Thank you for not assuming all poly people are sluts. Thank you for not assuming all poly people don't approve of casual sex.

Thank you for telling me that your partner is having trouble dealing with the idea of poly, and is feeling way too jealous right now for you to have another relationship. Thank you especially for telling me this before we spent intimate time together and long before I fell in love with you and had to deal with being pushed away and made to feel guilty for wanting some of your affection.

Thank you for seeing that poly is as much about learning about yourself as it is learning about other people, for seeing that it's as much about dealing with being alone as it is enjoying being surrounded by loving partners, and for realizing that while compersion is nice, it's not the holy grail of poly, and for not beating yourself up if you don't always feel it.

Finally, thank you for listening. After all, no one can have a meaningful conversation if everyone always does the talking.


A Real Live (poly) Person

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