Blog Archive

This blog is the archive of Victoria Poly 101. For current discussions and events for this group, please see the Victoria Poly 101 Facebook page or write to the facilitators of Victoria Poly 101 at victoriapoly101@gmail.com.

 

September discussion: Poly and personal challenges

While polyamory can be a big factor in our relationships and our lives, many if not most of us also face other kinds of personal challenges in the form of chronic illness, disability, or have partners and family members dealing with these. What is the impact of our personal challenges on our poly relationships, is it even possible to practice poly with such challenges, and if so, what's to consider? Can poly help in coping with our challenges, and in what ways? See you this month for a discussion about a perhaps difficult but very important topic, both for those of us who face personal challenges and those of us who wish to provide support to our partners and friends.

Place: Camas Books on Quadra,  Victoria, BC, Canada
Time: 7 pm to 9 pm
Date: September 25, 2014
Cost: free, but donations to Camas are appreciated
Newcomers welcome!

August Poly 101 discussion: keeping that special feeling

This month's discussion will include the topic of how to help your partner feel special when you start dating someone new. Poly 101 discussions take place the 4th Thursday of every month at Camas Books on Quadra Street, Victoria, BC, Canada. Cost is free, but donations to Camas for the use of their space is appreciated. This month's facilitator is Cora, who will also be talking about the More Than Two upcoming book tour! Newcomers welcome!

Time: 7 pm to 9 pm

The new poly book in town

It's finally out! I got my advance copy last night, and I literally can't put it down. If you want down-to-earth practical advice on polyamory, this is the book for you. Forward by Janet Hardy of Ethical Slut fame, and written lucidly and compassionately by Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux, this is the manual you need for all your poly questions, 101 groups and to give to your parents when you decide to come out. Get online and get your copy today!

July Poly 101 discussion: Open question night

July 24, 2014 will be open question night at Victoria Poly 101. Got things you've been wondering about polyamory? Ever wondered how others deal with jealousy? Want to know how to plan an event with more than one of your partners attending? Curious how people decide who gets to sleep where, and when? \

See you at Camas Books, Quadra Street (across from Fairway foods) at 7 pm to 9 pm on Thursday, July 24. Attendance is free, but donations to Camas are appreciated for the use of their space. See you there!

June 26th Poly 101: Poly compatibility and the communication we need to get there

Last month, we had a discussion about how to talk about poly to family, co-workers and friends. During that talk, we touched on more general ideas of communication and it gave me the idea to dedicate this month's 101 to a more in-depth discussion about the communication skills needed to negotiate a good poly relationship. Sounds easy, right? Just be honest! Well...

When you think about it, there are quite a lot of differing views about what polyamory is, exactly, that are floating around out there. We've talked about different kinds of open relationships in other 101s, and so what I'd like to do this month is discuss how to communicate with someone who is poly, but maybe their poly isn't exactly the same as your poly. In an open relationship culture where things work best when we figure out our own boundaries and rules, being able to talk about all this stuff is key.

Come prepared to think about what poly means to you, and how you can best communicate that to others. Also come prepared to hear and appreciate the differences in how we enjoy having relationships.

Place: Camas Books on Quadra, Victoria, BC, Canada
Time: 7 pm to 9 pm
Cost: a donation to Camas is appreciated but not required

May 101 discussion: "You've got some explaining to do!"

Have you ever felt uncomfortable, confused or choked up when trying to explain polyamory to someone for the first time? Whether that person is a potential lover, a family member, a friend or someone at work, poly people do often find themselves in situations where we need to explain what, exactly, poly is in the context of our lives. This isn't always easy, but getting ideas from others who have been there can help. Come talk about challenges, strategies and other fun aspects of explaining poly to people!

Place: Camas Books, Quadra Street across from Fairway (near King Street) in Victoria, BC, Canada
Time: 7 pm to 9 pm
Cost: free! (But please donate to Camas for use of their space if you can afford to do so)
Rules: Be respectful of the views and privacy of others, listen and as well as speak and ask questions if you're not sure about anything. Newcomers are welcome and encouraged to attend, as long as they join in the spirit of the discussion with an open mind. This is a safe space for all ages, and the event is not intended as a social or dating mixer.

April monthly discussion: age and poly, the joys and challenges of multi-generations in the poly world

Polyamory has been a relationship choice for a long time, but it's only been recognized as a social movement in North America since the 1970s, and that was only in smaller pockets of communities, connected by like-minded individuals. Since the 1980s and the internet, however, polyamorous people have been connecting and... forming larger communities to the point where we're now in a third generation of poly people -- in their late teens and early '20s -- forming the largest-growing poly group yet.

While this is great news overall for those who want to see polyamory grow and blossom in our culture, it also poses new questions and challenges to those of us living in increasingly large poly communities. Questions like: "Who should I date?" and "Should our poly group host age-segregated events?" come up more and more frequently, while basic philosophies and even the language of polyamory (and its companion communities, such as the queer and lifestyle communities, to name only two) are evolving as younger people's views and different cultural issues make themselves felt in our lives.

This month we'll be discussing how age affects polyamory -- both for yourself, personally, and for the poly community as a whole. What aspects of the past are important to keep in mind, which are changing, and what's in store for the future of open, loving relationships? Most of all, how can poly people of all ages support each other in the years to come, particularly in preparing for "Polyamory, the Next and Future Generations?"

Kiki will be facilitating the April discussion.

Below are two articles on age and poly that you might find interesting background reading:

http://www.lovemore.com/poly/the-influx-of-young-people-identifying-as-polyamorous/

http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2009/05/06/age-and-polyamory-organizing/

 

The discussion will take place at Camas Books, 2620 Quadra, Victoria, BC, Canada

Time: 7 pm to 9 pm

Cost: free, but donations to Camas are welcome

Please arrive on time for the discussion.

February Victoria Poly 101 discussion: poly, swinging and more

This month's discussion will look at polyamory, swinging or lifestyle and other types of  "open" relationships to see how they vary or where there's crossover. As always, the discussion starts at 7 pm at Camas books on Quadra Street (across from Fairway market) in Victoria, BC, Canada (heads up for our Victorian friends in Australia who keep writing to me -- we really would love to have you attend someday)! ;)\

February 27th is the date; the discussion is from 7 pm to 9 pm, and often there is a bit of social time organized afterwards at the neighbouring swimming pool and/or the pub. No cost for the discussion, though a donation to Camas for the use of their space is greatly appreciated.

You don't have to be polyamorous to attend, only open-minded and interested in learning about open relationships. Please note that this is not a dating group, though there are other poly social groups and events in Victoria if you're interested in that. You can ask one of the organizers at the discussion if you think you might like to take part in poly social events.

Hope to see you there!

And just so you know who we are, here's a photo of your two fearless VP101 facilitators speaking on a UVic panel with a friend..

Victoria Poly 101 facilitators, 2014 - Brad (left) and Kiki (centre) speaking alongside Liam (Captain) Snowdon at a poly discussion panel at the University of Victoria.

A new poly workshop for couples coming this February to Victoria!

An intensive weekend workshop consisting of couple counselling, coaching and group discussion activities will take place this February in Victoria, BC. Any couples interested in opening up their relationships for the first time are encouraged to register!

January Poly 101 discussion: workshop on attachment styles in poly

This month's Victoria Poly 101 discussion is a workshop. Special guest speaker: Dr. Nichole Fairbrother with assistance from Cora Bilsker. Offering a workshop/presentation on polyamory and attachment styles.

Date: Thursday, January 23
Place: Camas Books, Victoria, BC, Canada
Time: 7 pm - 9 pm

Cost: free, but donations to Camas for their generous use of the space is greatly appreciated

Please arrive on time for this workshop!

November Poly 101 discussion: expectations in polyamory

November 28th is the date for our last Poly 101 discussion of 2013 at Camas Books on Quadra, 7 pm to 9 pm! If you want to talk about managing poly expectations, this is the discussion for you! We'll also have time to ask and answer basic poly questions, and we'll talk about our December social event (in lieu of a discussion next month).

Bring your open mind, heart and questions, plus a small donation for Camas for use of their space if you can afford it (really, it's okay if you can't) and join a group of pretty nice people for some good discussions on polyamory -- new folks are always very welcome!

October poly 101

Oct. 24 is the next 101 discussion at Camas Books on Quadra Street. 7 to 9 pm, free (donation to Camas for the space is optional). Our topic this month is metamours -- your partner's other partners -- and how to get along with them famously (or at least communicate).

September monthly discussion: Safer Sex Agreements in Poly Relationships

Safer sex is important for everyone to consider, but in poly relationships, deciding how to structure agreements, what to include and who to include can be challenging. This month's discussion will focus on how to create and maintain safer sex agreements in poly relationships. You do not have to be over 19 to attend this discussion, but if you're under 16, I ask that you either bring a parent/guardian with you, or their written permission.

Place: Camas Bookshop, 2620 Quadra St, Victoria, British Columbia

Time: 7 pm -- 9 pm

Cost: Free, but please consider donating to Camas for the use of their space

What happens at a Victoria Poly 101 discussion? A guide for first-timers:

For first-timers, here's the format of the discussion:

Starting promptly at 7, I'll ask everyone to introduce themselves and say a few words about what brought you to the discussion (this is optional, except that we'd like to have some kind of name to address you by and your preferred gender pronoun). 

I'll provide a brief introduction to Poly 101 and Camas, and then we'll look at the posted topic. If you have a question about polyamory that's not related to the topic, we may have time for it at the end of the discussion. I'll provide a question jar for you in case we have a lot of them.

Around 8:30, I'll wrap up the discussion and we can take a look at any outstanding poly questions.

At 9 pm, I'll do announcements about upcoming events, and then it's possible that some of us will go out for further discussion and social time at the local restaurant or the local swimming pool. 

I look forward to meeting you all at Poly 101!

August Victoria Poly 101 discussion: Navigating Poly Pitfalls

Poly boundaries: what's the difference between uncomfortable and dangerous? What are some red flags to be on the lookout for? How do you keep yourself safe, physically and emotionally, and still be open?

Sometimes when you're designing your relationship trip without a traditional roadmap, it can be hard to spot the sinkholes. This month we'll discuss some of the pitfalls of being open in a mostly-closed world and how to safely make your way to happy and loving poly living.

Date: August 22, 2013
Place: Camas Books, 2620 Quadra, Victoria, BC
Time: 7 pm to 9 pm
Cost: free of charge, optional donation to Camas appreciated for use of the space

July Poly 101 discussion cancelled, but we're having a BBQ instead, folks!

July Victoria Poly 101 discussion is cancelled due to summer! VP101 BBQ will be July 20th! Write victoriapoly101@gmail.com for details if you wish to attend, as this will be at a private residence and space is limited.

May discussion

The next Victoria Poly 101 discussion will be a bit more casual, with an open-topic format and a picnic-style potluck. Weather permitting, folks may go outside, so try not to be late!

Date: May 23, 2013
Place: Camas Books on Quadra (across from Fairway)
Time: 7 pm to 9 pm
Cost: free, but donations for the use of space at Camas are greatly appreciated

*Kiki will be away this month, so Brad will be hosting this discussion.

Monthly discussion -- The Ethics and Etiquette of Poly

We often refer to polyamory as "ethical non-monogamy" and many of us began learning about poly from "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Many of us choose polyamory because it aligns with our own system of ethics and beliefs, but often, there are differences of opinion about what constitutes poly ethics and also how this relates to "poly etiquette" -- the habits and behaviours that help poly go smoothly.

Join us at Camas for some great discussion!

A reminder: doors will be shut at 7:30 pm, so please be on time.

Camas Books
Time: 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm
Cost: donation to Camas

Contact:  Kiki Christie, victoriapoly101@gmail.com

Get your tickets for POLYCON, Vancouver, 2013!

Hey everyone, Canada's FIRST poly conference will be taking place in Vancouver, BC, on May 31-June 2, 2013! It's sponsored by the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, and will feature workshops, events  and vendors from poly communities across Canada -- don't miss it!

Info. and registration can be found on the CPAA website.